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(no subject) [Apr. 17th, 2005|07:51 pm]
*~relationships are like glass, sometimes its better to leave them broken, cuz when you try to pick up the peices, you always end up getting hurt.~*

*~the hardest thing that i have ever had to do, is stand here like i dont care.~*
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Oh Boi, Oh Boi O BOI!!! [Oct. 31st, 2004|02:18 pm]
I got my first injection. YUP thats right, i went to callen-lorde on Oct 26th and.. yup.. almost passed out. the shot didn't hurt but i felt completely sick right after she injected me. ray said i lost all the color in my face. (not like i have any to begin with, my parents handed me with the 'i'm-so-pale-i-don't-need-make-up-on-halloween' genes) meh! so... can't say i have many changes to write about. just a handful: (1) leg hurt for 3 days (muscles tense, a bitch to walk up stairs) (2) muh face always itches. (3) tired, but i'm less irriatable and irrational. (4) i break out into hot sweats (no, not sweatpants.. just a wave of heat then i sweat n its gone,...)

so my dad was on the cover of the NYTimes, it was a small interview with him about the war..

"We hit the deck one and a half months ago, and the area has changed for the downhill very quickly," said Staff Sgt. James Keefer, one of six civil affairs officers attached to the Second Battalion, Fifth Marines, which arrived here in early September. "We used to go to civilian areas in one or two Humvees to look at hospitals and other places. Now it's too dangerous, and we need four Humvees for a convoy, and we don't have the resources."
"Sergeant Keefer said the marines tried calling a list of 100 potential local contractors when they first arrived. Many of the phone numbers had been disconnected, and people who did answer said the contractors had left town. Reconstruction "is pretty much at a standstill right now," said Capt. Sean Kuehl, an intelligence officer. "An insurgency cannot be defeated solely by an occupying power. We need the support of the local population."

... to be continued
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(no subject) [Sep. 30th, 2004|08:32 pm]


From Go-Quiz.com
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(no subject) [Jun. 16th, 2004|03:58 am]
"wanna hear a funny joke?"
- "sure" i say
"how many Marines can fit on a bus?"
- "how many?"
"one more..."

- to anyone that has ever read "Scary Stories You Tell In The Dark"
look up the story "Room For One More" maybe you'll understand why i found my fathers joke a little twisted...

::sigh:: i bet no one reads this anymore, considering i haven't posted in months.

so, he's back from his two weeks, his "party" (if you even want to call it that) is on Sat. then he's gone for over a year. i mean its not FOREVER right? ... right?

he'll be deployed over to Kirkuk (just about 90miles north of Baghdad) mostlikely late july early august. there's mixed feelings in my family, theres my step-mom, my grandpa bill and my mom saying "let him go, this is what he's always wanted to do" my mema that cried in my lap while watching Ronald Reagan's funeral saying "i have a feeling he's just not comming back" (speaking about my dad not Mr. Reagan) my uncle, well im not sure what he thinks... but he wrote in my dads high skewl year book "only the good die young". n i guess i don't fit into any of those. i have my own reason's and my own feelings.

when my parents we going through a terrible seperation, i thought it was all my fathers fault (i'm such a mommys boi) so i carved into my wall in my room 'dad i hate you die' ... well i felt like a criminal so i crossed out that n then wrote 'move away'. he did move away, from montvale to westwood (2 different apartments) then he was ??i don't know?? (partly because i didn't care to know where he was) then he popped up with my 1st stepmom...they married, that fell through... then he moved basicly in with my mema.. then.. ?? i don't know again, n again ?? he met yoshino, they moved in together, got married,.. n now with us sparaticly getting along, talking and enjoying each other's company (most of the time) ... FATE! KARMA! HIGHER POWER! GODDESS! YOU SUCK! thats what i feel like on the outside but on the inside its more if a self-hate thing... and a i-hate-the-way-this-country-got-it's-self-into-this thing.

that was my little 'VENTALATIONATION'
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C'mon Now ANTI-SOCIAL [Mar. 25th, 2004|06:46 pm]
[feels |crazycrazy]
[stuff |If I was there, i'd be home by now...]

"...stupid people do stupid things and smart people outsmart each other, then themselves..."
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... FOG ... [Dec. 17th, 2003|11:40 am]
[feels |blankblank]
[stuff |I Hear Bells Everytime My Mom IMs Me]

so i was watching the x-files last night, n i think i want to change my LJ name ... so fox n skully, are tryn to catch this dude, who can read dreams, n so as everyone knows fox has this obsession with finding his missing sister, this chick has been gone for years n just about EVERY episode he refers to her some how, some way ... but anywho, so the dream-reader dude, he takes little grrls, n ya know.. does bad stuff (i don't think he rapes them, but he kills 'em) but he cuts little hearts from their clothes b4 he burries them, n if that wasn't fcuked up enough, he calls himself the "Mad Hatter" n he lived up in Massachusets... so i'm a little upset about all this.. cause thats not the reason for my name... considering i JUST saw the episode...

but on a lighter note, here's a conversation i had with my mom online

"M" [10:59 AM]: and DON"T worry about presents for people ...that would be sucky!
"M" [11:00 AM]: just smile and give kisses and hugs to everyone...
"J" [11:00 AM]: :(
"J" [11:00 AM]: thats my "i'm not so thrilled about that" face
"M" [11:01 AM]: yeah...but you're OK and that's ALL that everyone cares about this year!
"J" [11:01 AM]: aww thank you
"M" [11:01 AM]: hey...considering the alternative...we could be putting flowers on your grave for chrristmas
"J" [11:01 AM]: ahhhh
"J" [11:02 AM]: don't talk like that
"M" [11:02 AM]: or visiting you as a vegetable in the hospital...or pushing you in awheelchair
"J" [11:02 AM]: n IF something EVER happds.. NEVER EVER leave flowers...
"M" [11:02 AM]: YOU R LUCKY
"M" [11:02 AM]: Y no flowers?
"M" [11:02 AM]: leave stones?
"J" [11:02 AM]: i'm not a flower person..
"J" [11:02 AM]: yea
"M" [11:02 AM]: beer?
"J" [11:02 AM]: leave a picture
"J" [11:02 AM]: leave beer
"M" [11:03 AM]: w/a straw so u could reach it
"J" [11:03 AM]: anything.. but flowers.. i never understood why we leave flowers.. we are just sayn "here we miss you, but we are going to leave something that dies..."
"M" [11:04 AM]: it makes the living feel better to leave a rememberance
"J" [11:04 AM]: lol
"M" [11:04 AM]: y .... ru dying sometime soon?
"J" [11:04 AM]: leaving flowers that are jsut going to sit there to die?
"M" [11:04 AM]: hopefully i'll go b4 u
"M" [11:04 AM]: and i like flowers
"J" [11:04 AM]: no.. but i HATE the thought of sittn somewhere n watchn people do all this stuff i would never have wanted..
"J" [11:05 AM]: like i want a sleep over not a wake
"J" [11:05 AM]: n i want a party not a funeral
"J" [11:05 AM]: see!! if something HAD happed.. you'd have never known
"J" [11:06 AM]: you would have made ur wittle bumpkin very upset
"M" [11:11 AM]: hey....no funeral no party..we wouldv'e just thrown you away
"J" [11:11 AM]: aiight, that werks
"M" [11:11 AM]: flushed you...like memo
"M" [11:11 AM]: *nemo
"M" [11:11 AM]: :-D
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... I'm In An ~Ani~ Mood ... [Dec. 15th, 2003|12:15 pm]
[feels |awakeawake]
[stuff |Linkin Park "Faint"]

" ... i was a long time coming
i'll be a long time gone
you've got your whole life to do something
and that's not very long
so why don't you give me a call
when you're willing to fight
for what you think is real
for what you think is right ... "

... its funny, she shouldn't leave it up to you to decide what is "real" what is "right"
but what if no one agrees? what is right then, if you think this was the "right" decision, was it EVER "real" then??

" ... we don't say everything that we could
so that we can say later
oh, you misunderstood
i hold my cards up
close to my chest
i say what i have to
and i hold back the rest ... "

... you sit there with your tongue on your sleeve never your heart .. then later you take the time to appoligise to and for everything you learned, for everything you said, things you would wash your own mouth out with soap if you had any remorse, the whole time i knew what you are made of ...

" ... i don't know who you were expecting
probably some bitch who does not budge
with eyes the size of snow
i may get pissed off sometimes
but you seem like the type to hold a grudge
and in the end, i just let go ... "

self explanatory

" ... how sick of me
must you be
by now
while you're standing just outside
of what your pride will allow
always reaching into yourself
to find a new way to understand me
when i'm sure that there's no one else
in the world
who could withstand me ..."

... who could have put up with more of my antics than you, was this just a sly way to get what you wanted? try to pawn it off on me? do you think i took you for granted, where did you lose you nerve to talk slack-jawed, out west there isn't much a need to speak in riddles...

" ... thank you
for letting me stay here
thank you for taking me in
thank you
for the beer and the food
thank you
for 'loaning me bus fare'
thank you for showing me around
that was a very kind thing to do
thank you
for the use of the clean towel
thank you for half of your bed ... "

" ... we took down all the pictures
and then we took down all the walls
packed up our expectations
and piled em up in the hall
yeah we bagged our future
and kicked it to the curb
and then we stood there unencumbered
and we stood there undeterred
cuz we were done clinging
to the things
we were afraid to lose
and the only thing left ... "

" ... real is real regardless
of what you try to say
or say away
real is real relentless
while words distract and dismay
words that change their tune
though the story remains the same
words that fill me quickly
and then are slow to drain
dialogues that dither down reminiscent
of the way it likes to rain
every screen
a smoke screen
oh to dream
just for a moment
the picture
outside the frame ... "

MY frame of refrence....
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(no subject) [Dec. 8th, 2003|02:37 pm]
[feels |curiouscurious]

Her blue eyes always remind me of something innocent. something about the sky at 7am that can see some new, so beautiful ... and if you catch her staring out into nothing, I always wonder ... "what ISN'T she thinking?" because somewhere before and somewhere after I think she lost alot of desire, n I have to wonder what isn't on her mind that SHOULD be. but I already know that answer.
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(no subject) [Dec. 7th, 2003|11:51 pm]
[feels |depresseddepressed]
[stuff |that comercial where the frog says "hiya" 4,000 times]

My mema is looking older these days ... she calls me "stinky" (dont laugh) n she calls me "pipsqueek". I was her first grandchild, spoiled rotten, n most deffinitly the apple of her eye. She can read me like a book, she's never talked down to me, n she has that special head-scratching technique that makes me feel like I'm a lil boi all over again, like I could just curl up in her lap n forget about my problems.

god, to be young again.
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since my IMs fail to werk ... [Dec. 5th, 2003|07:20 pm]
Main Entry: phi·los·o·phy
Pronunciation: f&-'lä-s(&-)fE
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural -phies
Etymology: Middle English philosophie, from Old French, from Latin philosophia, from Greek, from philosophos philosopher
Date: 14th century
1 a (1) : all learning exclusive of technical precepts and practical arts (2) : the sciences and liberal arts exclusive of medicine, law, and theology (3) : the 4-year college course of a major seminary b (1) : archaic : PHYSICAL SCIENCE (2) : ETHICS c : a discipline comprising as its core logic, aesthetics, ethics, metaphysics, and epistemology
2 a : pursuit of wisdom b : *A SEARCH FOR A GENERAL UNDERSTANDING OF VALUES AND REALITY BY CHIEFLY SPECULATIVE RATHER THAN OBSERVATIONAL MEANS* c : an analysis of the grounds of and concepts expressing FUNDAMENTAL beliefs
3 a : a system of philosophical concepts b : *A THEORY UNDERLYING OR REGAURDING A SPHERE OF ACTIVITY OR THOUGHT*
4 a : THE MOST GENERAL BELIEFS, CONCEPTS, AN ATTITTUDES OF AN INDIVIDUAL b : calmness of temper and judgment befitting a philosopher

Main Entry: log·ic
Pronunciation: 'lä-jik
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English logik, from Middle French logique, from Latin logica, from Greek logikE, from feminine of logikos of reason, from logos reason —more at LEGEND
Date: 12th century
1 a (1) : a science that deals with the principles and criteria of validity of inference and demonstration : the science of the formal principles of reasoning (2) : a branch or variety of logic (3) : a branch of semiotic; especially : SYNTACTICS (4) : the formal principles of a branch of knowledge b (1) : a particular mode of reasoning viewed as valid or faulty (2) : RELEVANCE, PROPRIETY c : interrelation or sequence of facts or events when seen as inevitable or predictable d : the arrangement of circuit elements (as in a computer) needed for computation; also : the circuits themselves
2 : something that forces a decision apart from or in opposition to reason

Main Entry: mathematical logic
Function: noun
Date: 1858

Main Entry: symbolic logic
Function: noun
Date: 1856
: a science of developing and representing logical principles by means of a formalized system consisting of primitive symbols, combinations of these symbols, axioms, and rules of inference.

click here,/a>
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